No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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