My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Someone came in the potted fern
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
