So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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