Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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