this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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