the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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