I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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