y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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