He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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