you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
