So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
