Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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