I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
