I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
