This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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