i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
