Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
