Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
