I look better un-naked...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
