I just saw a hot homeless man
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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