Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
