Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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