Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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