i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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