Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I love you. Go after that dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
