you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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