Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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