I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you made out with another girl for some wings
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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