Your dad touched me again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
