it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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