I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
