The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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