Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
