It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
