dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
