I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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