My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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