well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
