i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
