just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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