I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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