someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
