I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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