My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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