"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
