I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So many bounce houses so little time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
