The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
