I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
4 words: hood of his car
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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