Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
