the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
