just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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