eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
