I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
