The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am one with the molecules
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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