Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
