I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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