Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
