I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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