Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
