VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
