What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
