I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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