I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
