I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
