I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
