I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
