I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
