don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
