the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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