Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
