True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
