She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The air was thick with penises
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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